Dear ,

If you're not a mom with kids at home, and you missed seeing the zine below that went out 10 days ago, on May 6th, then do read on to enjoy featured writer Kristen Oliver, an excerpt from her book The Connected Parent, and a writing prompt based on last week's word of the week, "choose." (If you're not a mom with kids at home, and did read the zine, then you can stop right here. Thanks for being such a loyal Word-zine reader, and have a wonderful weekend!

I'm running Kristen's feature again because I goofed and neglected to put her generous offer of a free 20-minute connection call to 5 WordPlay "friends and family" members in her Word-zine. I very rarely send out extra messages to you, but Kristen is such a lovely human being that I feel calmer, more loving, and more hopeful any time I talk with her. And I know many moms are struggling right now as they take care of their kids 24/7 in addition to all their other responsibilities. If you happen to be in this situation (or have a close friend or family member who is), then I hope you'll contact Kristen. (You can read more about her and the work that she does below.) So, without any further ado . . .

An Offer for Readers

For Wordplay Friends and Family, Kristen is offering a free 20 minute connection call for the first 5 parents/caregivers interested in receiving clarity on how to best support themselves in order to nurture empowered and happy children. You can email her at Kristen@kristenoliver.com to set up your appointment. 

And here's the original zine if you missed it:

I realized that this, the Wednesday before Mother's Day, would be the perfect time to share Kristen's book with you. If you are, or know, a mom who would love some easy-to-use, effective strategies to lessen chaos and increase peace (or if you yourself  would like to, as Kristen puts it, "uncover your peace"), then please check out Kristen's book. 

Here's a photo of Kristen with her kids, Tessa and Andrew, who are woven throughout The Connected Parent.

In fact, every chapter begins with a quote from one of them, like this one from Chapter 9, which I share an excerpt from below:

“Mommy, I have something for you to remember.
If you want to be happy or sad, you can decide.”

                                      ~ Andrew, 6 days before his 4^th birthday

Quite wise, right? I hope you find value, throughout this week to come, in considering your choices in each circumstance in your life and, if you write fiction, focusing on your characters' choices. After all, to quote Viktor Frankl, author of Man's Search for Meaning, "The last of the human freedoms: to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way."

I am regularly in awe of my life. Many years ago, I felt sick, overwhelmed, anxious and exhausted, not really knowing what I could do in the day to get through. After a significant amount of deep inner work, I emerged with quite a few insights and even what I would call awakenings.

I learned how my thoughts, my subconscious patterning, so strongly influenced events in my life, relationships, physical health, work and finances.

As I continued to delve more deeply into personal development, I started experiencing transformation and lasting change.
What started out as a personal journey to heal my body gave me the tools to witness amazing shifts within my family and, later, with the people I worked with in my profession as a pediatric occupational therapist.

I developed a unique methodology and 4-step process, based in neuroscience and spirituality, that I now teach in my classes, programs, retreats, individual sessions and book.

The results have been remarkable. To my delight, I’ve witnessed clients identify and release negative patterns and limiting beliefs, essentially shifting the lives of each member of their family.
I’m passionate about this work. It feeds my soul to help others move through what life offers them and to see them connect to their True Selves and create a life they love.

Here’s Kristin's formal bio:

Drawing on her 19 years of professional experience and her 14-year inner journey, author, speaker and transformational coach Kristen Oliver, MOT, OTR/L combines concepts and practices based in neuroscience and spirituality to offer specific strategies to release negative patterns and limiting beliefs, enabling clients to permanently change their habits and create a life they love.

 What Kristen Says About WordPlay
 

When I reflect on my experience of having Maureen as a writing coach and editor of my book, the first thing that comes to mind is her gift of nurturance. I recall with a tender heart, one particular evening’s drive to her home office. As I navigated my mommy-mobile (the overly predictable silver minivan sprinkled with pretzel crumbs and flip flops), I was overwhelmed with feelings of unconditional support and love. I was in an emotional place for reasons I don’t recall. The simple thought of going to see Maureen was comforting to me.  As a mentor and doula of sorts, her presence felt much like a motherly love. Even though I may have been running behind my self-imposed deadlines or feeling overwhelmed with a particular chapter, I always left my appointments with Maureen in a state of gratitude and peace, like I just received an enormous hug.

Maureen’s approach was a perfect balance of constructive criticism with ever-present encouragement. I still laugh when I recall her gently relaying that I was making similar mistakes throughout my writing. She asked if I want to learn what I was doing incorrectly or just have her continue to edit the errors. I chose the latter and also chose self-acceptance in that decision. I wasn’t given those options in high school or college, so it felt like a luxury to me. Having Maureen’s touch allowed me to focus on my intent, which was most important to me. My final thought on this topic is again one of gratitude—or Maureen’s patience, sense of humor, unending care and ability to witness and join in the creation of The Connected Parent.

 Featured Writing

 an excerpt from

The Connected Parent
by

Kristen Oliver

 from Chapter 9

CHOOSE—SELECT A WAY TO LET GO

The Connected Parent. is filled with strategies and tools, along with stories and examples. Chapter 9 was one that I found particularly valuable. In answer to that question: Okay, What Are My Choices Here? Kristen gives this list of choices, each with a clearly spelled out method:

• Acceptance
• Empathy
• Leaning into Your Experience
• Release
• Meditation
• Forgiveness and Love
• And more!

Here, Kristen shares about empathy:

Choose Empathy

So often, our kids just want to know that they are being seen and being heard. Who am I kidding? I want the same thing!

I love and am inspired by communication strategies and teachings based in compassion and empathy. Many teachers in this field are able to mediate between individuals or groups in conflict, allowing the perspective of all parties to be heard and those involved to feel witnessed from a place of mutual respect. With compassion, the participating parties then move toward reasonable solutions together.

It’s not always easy to choose empathy if you are really triggered by something your child says or does. However, once you do some work on your stuff, genuine empathy can be a powerful tool.

Client Triumph—Hair Brushing Analysis

After reviewing the whole concept of empathy and compassionate communication with the parents of Emily, a beautiful eight-year-old girl, they returned to a follow up session with a life-changing story. One of Emily’s issues was that she refused to brush her hair. She had some sensory challenges that made this process feel like torture to her.

One Saturday, her dad got out a white board and markers, sat on her bed, and listened to what she had to say. She detailed the discomfort of getting her hair brushed and he made charts that visually exhibited what she was saying to him. They did this and other empathy-based activities that he came up with for 1½ hours! The next day, they did a variation of the same activity for 45 minutes. On the third day, she came to her parents holding a hairbrush and asking them to brush her hair.

Emily felt seen, heard and loved to the point that she shifted the longtime challenge of brushing her hair into an opportunity to bond with her parents.

Honing your empathy skills for others helps them to feel seen, heard, and loved. What more could a child want?

What about me?

I would also like to take the opportunity to emphasize self-empathy. We aren’t taught in society to empathize with ourselves. Could you imagine hearing an elementary school teacher say, “Just be gentle with yourself when you make mistakes”? She could go on to say, “It is helpful to just love yourself no matter what.”

Sometimes our power comes in when we provide to our self what is most needed. For example, in a recent private session with both parents of a family of five, we were discussing how the whole family got together to make gingerbread houses as a fun holiday activity. It turned into a vortex of chaos and arguing. The mom just wanted to build strong family memories and was experiencing frustration that the kids couldn’t pull it together. So much anger came up for the dad that he walked out on the activity. In the end, the clients laughed as the mom told me she just took a picture of the gingerbread house rather than one of the family as they made it. We joked that the photo could be shown to the kids in the future when trying to prove that they did, in fact, do some family activities together.

When moments like this arise, it can be so powerful to empathize with yourself as well as with others involved. What does this sound like? Saying to yourself, “Wow, this really stinks. I can’t believe we are here again. I just wanted to complete an enjoyable family craft, and everyone is arguing and moody, including me and my husband. This stinks and I don’t like it.”

Again, there is power in choice. When you are aware that you are empathizing with, comforting and loving yourself, it’s hard to subconsciously play the victim role at the same time. The kind of energy here is one of a loving grandmother coming over to put her hand on your back.

~ from Kristen Oliver's book The Connected Parent

Click the book's title to learn more or purchase.