Dear ,
If you're not a mom with kids at home, and you missed seeing the zine below that went out 10 days ago, on May 6th, then do read on to enjoy featured writer Kristen Oliver, an excerpt from her book The Connected
Parent, and a writing prompt based on last week's word of the week, "choose." (If you're not a mom with kids at home, and did read the zine, then you can stop right here. Thanks for being such a loyal Word-zine reader, and have a wonderful weekend!
I'm running Kristen's feature again because I goofed and neglected to put her generous offer of a free 20-minute connection call to 5 WordPlay "friends and family" members in her Word-zine. I very rarely send out extra messages to you, but Kristen is such a lovely human being that I feel calmer, more loving, and more hopeful any time I talk with her. And I know many moms are struggling
right now as they take care of their kids 24/7 in addition to all their other responsibilities. If you happen to be in this situation (or have a close friend or family member who is), then I hope you'll contact Kristen. (You can read more about her and the work that she does below.) So, without any further ado . . .
An Offer for Readers
For Wordplay Friends and Family, Kristen is offering a free 20 minute connection call for the first 5 parents/caregivers interested in receiving clarity on
how to best support themselves in order to nurture empowered and happy children. You can email her at Kristen@kristenoliver.com to set up your appointment.
And here's the original zine if you missed it:
I hope you and yours are well, mind, heart, body, and spirit. The uncertainty by itself is stressful, along with the fact that much is happening, and many decisions are being made, that are beyond our control. It's a time we could all use a question author Kristen Oliver poses in her oh-so-calming and helpful book The Connected Parent, "Okay, what are my choices here?" (I don't know
about you, but when I'm stressed and anxious, I often forget that I have choices.)
My time supporting Kristen as coach and editor as she wrote The Connected Parent always left me feeling more peaceful and hopeful. So
it was a great joy to hear from her out of the blue last week, with some outrageously fun news. She got a call from a guy with BBC some weeks ago who wanted to know if he could use her book as a prop in their first ever show on Apple TV+, a comedy called Trying.
Here's a photo of Kristen and me before we knew just how "famous" we'd be! 😊
I realized that this, the Wednesday before Mother's Day, would be the perfect time to share Kristen's book with you. If you are, or know, a mom who would love some easy-to-use, effective strategies to lessen chaos and increase peace (or if you yourself would like to, as Kristen puts it, "uncover your peace"), then please check out Kristen's book.
Here's a photo of Kristen with her kids, Tessa and Andrew, who are woven throughout The Connected Parent.
In fact, every chapter begins with a quote from one of them, like this one from Chapter 9, which I share an excerpt from below:
“Mommy, I have something for you to remember.
If you want to be happy or sad, you can decide.”
~ Andrew, 6 days before his 4th birthday
Quite wise, right? I hope you find value, throughout this week to come, in considering your choices in each circumstance in your life and, if you write fiction, focusing on your characters' choices. After all, to quote Viktor Frankl, author of Man's Search for Meaning, "The last of the human freedoms: to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances,
to choose one's own way."
Love and light,
Maureen
Featured Writer
Meet Kristen Oliver
I am regularly in awe of my life. Many years ago, I felt sick, overwhelmed, anxious and exhausted, not really knowing what I could do in the day to get through. After a significant amount of
deep inner work, I emerged with quite a few insights and even what I would call awakenings.
I learned how my thoughts, my subconscious patterning, so strongly influenced events in my life, relationships, physical health, work and finances.
As I continued to delve more deeply into personal development, I started experiencing transformation and lasting change.
What started out as a personal journey to heal my body gave me the tools to witness amazing shifts within my family and, later, with the people I worked with in my profession as a pediatric occupational therapist.
I developed a unique methodology and 4-step process, based in neuroscience and spirituality, that I now teach in my classes, programs, retreats, individual sessions and book.
The results have been remarkable. To my delight, I’ve witnessed clients identify and release negative patterns and limiting beliefs, essentially shifting the lives of each member of their family.
I’m passionate about this work. It feeds my soul to help others move through what life offers them and to see them connect to their True Selves and create a life they love.
Here’s Kristin's formal bio:
Drawing on her 19 years of professional experience and her 14-year inner journey, author, speaker and transformational coach Kristen Oliver, MOT, OTR/L combines concepts and practices based in neuroscience and spirituality to offer specific strategies to release negative patterns and limiting beliefs, enabling clients to permanently change their habits and create a life they love.
Kristen received her master’s degree in Occupational Therapy from Duquesne University. In addition to individual sessions, classes and retreats, she also offers online programs. She lives with her family in Charlotte, North Carolina.
What Kristen Says About WordPlay
When I reflect on my experience of having Maureen as a writing
coach and editor of my book, the first thing that comes to mind is her gift of nurturance. I recall with a tender heart, one particular evening’s drive to her home office. As I navigated my mommy-mobile (the overly predictable silver minivan sprinkled with pretzel crumbs and flip flops), I was overwhelmed with feelings of unconditional support and love. I was in an emotional place for reasons I don’t recall. The simple thought of going to see Maureen was comforting to me. As a mentor and
doula of sorts, her presence felt much like a motherly love. Even though I may have been running behind my self-imposed deadlines or feeling overwhelmed with a particular chapter, I always left my appointments with Maureen in a state of gratitude and peace, like I just received an enormous hug.
Maureen’s approach was a perfect balance of constructive criticism with ever-present encouragement. I still laugh when I recall her gently relaying that I was making similar mistakes throughout my writing. She asked if I want to learn what I was
doing incorrectly or just have her continue to edit the errors. I chose the latter and also chose self-acceptance in that decision. I wasn’t given those options in high school or college, so it felt like a luxury to me. Having Maureen’s touch allowed me to focus on my intent, which was most important to me. My final thought on this topic is again one of gratitude—or Maureen’s patience, sense of humor, unending care and ability to witness and join in the creation of The Connected Parent.
Featured Writing
an excerpt from
The Connected Parent
by
Kristen Oliver
from Chapter 9
CHOOSE—SELECT A WAY TO LET GO
The Connected Parent. is filled with strategies and tools, along with stories and examples. Chapter 9 was one that I found particularly valuable. In answer to that question: Okay, What Are My Choices
Here? Kristen gives this list of choices, each with a clearly spelled out method:
- Acceptance
- Empathy
- Leaning into Your Experience
- Release
- Meditation
- Forgiveness and Love
- And more!
Choose Empathy
So often, our kids just want to know that they are being seen and being heard. Who am I kidding? I want the same
thing!
I love and am inspired by communication strategies and teachings based in compassion and empathy. Many teachers in this field are able to mediate between individuals or groups in conflict, allowing the perspective of all parties to be heard and those involved to feel witnessed from a place of mutual respect. With compassion, the participating parties then move toward reasonable solutions together.
It’s not always easy to choose empathy if you are really triggered by something your child says or does. However, once you do some work on your stuff, genuine empathy can be a powerful tool.
Client Triumph—Hair Brushing Analysis
After reviewing the whole concept of empathy and compassionate communication with the parents of Emily, a beautiful eight-year-old girl, they returned to a follow up session with a life-changing story. One of Emily’s issues was that she refused to brush her hair. She had some sensory challenges that made this process feel like torture to her.
One Saturday, her dad got out a white board and markers, sat on her bed, and listened to what she had to say. She detailed the discomfort of getting her hair brushed and he made charts that visually exhibited what she was saying to him. They did this and other empathy-based activities that he came up with for 1½ hours! The next day, they did a variation of the same activity for 45 minutes. On the third day, she came to her parents holding a hairbrush and asking them to brush her hair.
Emily felt seen, heard and loved to the point that she shifted the longtime challenge of brushing her hair into an opportunity to bond with her parents.
Honing your empathy skills for others helps them to feel seen, heard, and loved. What more could a child want?
What about me?
I would also like to take the opportunity to emphasize self-empathy. We aren’t taught in society to empathize with ourselves. Could you imagine hearing an elementary school teacher say, “Just be gentle with yourself when you make mistakes”? She could go on to say, “It
is helpful to just love yourself no matter what.”
Sometimes our power comes in when we provide to our self what is most needed. For example, in a recent private session with both parents of a family of five, we were discussing how the whole family got together to make gingerbread houses as a fun holiday activity. It turned into a vortex of chaos and arguing. The mom just wanted to build strong family memories and was experiencing frustration that the kids couldn’t pull
it together. So much anger came up for the dad that he walked out on the activity. In the end, the clients laughed as the mom told me she just took a picture of the gingerbread house rather than one of the family as they made it. We joked that the photo could be shown to the kids in the future when trying to prove that they did, in fact, do some family activities together.
When moments like this arise, it can be so powerful to empathize with yourself as well as with others involved. What does this sound like? Saying to yourself, “Wow, this really stinks. I can’t believe we are here again. I just wanted to complete an enjoyable family craft, and everyone is arguing and moody, including me and my husband. This stinks and I don’t like it.”
Again, there is power in choice. When you are aware that you are empathizing with, comforting and loving yourself, it’s hard to subconsciously play the victim role at the same time. The kind of energy here is one of a loving grandmother coming over to put her hand on your back.
~ from Kristen Oliver's book The Connected Parent
Click the book's title to learn more or purchase.
WordPlay Now! Writing Prompt
This is WordPlay—so why not revel in the power and potential of one good word after another? This week, it's “choose.”
PROMPT: Make a short list of problems or situations that you, or one of your characters, is facing. Then, write about one of these, being sure to include one or more deliberate choices that can be/were made. You might want to look at the list that starts the featured writing above before you begin. What, for example, would choosing acceptance, or empathy, look like in this situation?
It's fun to play with prompts in community with fellow writers, and to be able to share the results when you're done. You can find out about WordPlay classes, workshops, and retreats here.
MAUREEN RYAN GRIFFIN, an award-winning poetry and nonfiction writer, is the author of Spinning Words into Gold, a Hands-On Guide to the Craft of
Writing, a grief workbook entitled I Will Never Forget You, and three collections of poetry, Ten Thousand Cicadas Can't Be Wrong, This Scatter of Blossoms and When the Leaves Are in the Water.
She believes, as author Julia Cameron says, “We are meant to midwife dreams for one another.” Maureen also believes that serious “word
work” requires serious WordPlay, as play is how we humans best
learn—and perform. What she loves best is witnessing all the other dreams that come true for her clients along the way. Language, when used with intentionality and focus, is, after all, serious fuel for joy. Here's to yours!
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