Volume IX, Issue 35
August 26,2020
Dear ,
When I was growing up, my dad had this expression he used whenever I complained about pretty much anything: "Life is real! Life is earnest!" If I'd known at the time that he was quoting Longfellow ("A Psalm of Life"), I might not have minded so much.
Or maybe I still would have. For many years, I was sure my real life—a life without my current sorrows and sufferings, with all my dreams neatly and painlessly fulfilled—was shimmering somewhere in my future. I can see it here, in this photo my brother Tim took of me at 16 as I was pulling my hair out from behind my ears.
Fast forward to me in my early 40's, with the husband and kids I'd always wanted. Only now, my "real life" was going to start when they were older and I had more time to myself! Luckily, I was shaken to my senses by some words by another poet, Li-Young Lee in his poem "Braiding": poem "Braiding":
"How I wish we didn’t hate those years/ while we lived them."
His words had so much impact on me that when, some ten years later, I saw a call for submissions for an anthology Marlo Thomas was creating to benefit St. Jude's Children's Hospital called The Right Words at the Right Time: Your Turn!, I knew exactly what those words had been for me.
By this time, I'd lost my mother. But not before I made her the cookbook she'd always wanted to write—all her favorite recipes, each one accompanied by a story. And not before I began teaching creative writing classes and leading retreats, which gave me the opportunity to meet many kindred spirits and support them in telling the stories of their own real lives.
One of these kindred spirits is Pam Pellegrino, this week's featured writer. I loved everything about her poem "Recipe for Real Life," which won first prize in the Ashe County Library's poetry contest last fall, including her title, given the history I just shared with
you.
Wouldn't it be perfect, I thought, to feature when back-to-school time came around again in 2020? Pam granted her permission, and I made a calendar reminder for it.
I could never have imagined what back-to-school would look like this year for students around the world, not just the country. My dad was right. "Life is real! Life is earnest!" There is a great deal of hardship in the lives of so many people.
And yet, there's still room for optimism. There's so much we can still learn. There are still lovely moments of connection to have with loved ones, even if it's over cellphones or Zoom or, crazy thought, a letter, rather than in person.
Maybe we just need to redefine what "real" really is.
This thought sent me to my memoir-in-progress, a cookbook memoir that has evolved from the family cookbook I made for my mom. Yes, just as I thought, I had written about "real." Here's the excerpt:
I don’t know if Mother ever read Margery Williams’ The Velveteen Rabbit, first published in 1922, I’m sure she would have loved its sweet lesson that you can only become Real “when a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you.” After all, when I was growing up, Mother took obvious pleasure in my fondness for my stuffed animals.
Most of them were gifts from her, and I confess that I still have a few of them that I can’t bear to part with.
As Mother’s dementia worsened, the shabby, old Skin Horse’s words to the shiny, new Velveteen Rabbit about becoming Real took on a whole new meaning. “Generally, by the time you are Real,” the Skin Horse says. “most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand.”
This is our job here, isn’t it? Our joyous duty, our difficult privilege—to keep making each other real, no matter the circumstances.
My commitment to this duty and privilege was put to the test in every encounter with Mother. What did love look like when she didn’t even know who I was?
Pam's now writing about her father's journey through Alzheimer's; knowing her as I do, I'm sure her own definition of "real" encompasses the Skin Horse's kind of wisdom. I love that she sent me this photo when I reached out to gather what I needed from her to put together this zine.
"I love this picture," Pam wrote. "I think you can figure out which of the three little
girls is me!" (I can. That's her, back row, second from the right.) "Four generations here. I’m standing next to my Nana," Pam went on to say.
Well, I've gone on plenty long enough about "real life," don't you think? Maybe too long. So I'll just say that I think you will love Pam's "Recipe for Real Life" below. You'll get to meet her Nana, and see a glimpse of the eighteen-year-old the beaming little girl in the photo above turned into, and meet the current day Pam as well. And then you'll get to write about
"real life" yourself, which I hope you think is the best part!
WordPlay
Opportunities
Shaping Our Lives by Shaping Our Words:
Through the Pandemic and Beyond
What benefits can writing provide—physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually? We know now that the words we use and the stories we tell shape our daily experiences. Learn to shape words that bring out the best in you—and others. In this class incorporating Dr. James Pennebaker’s ground-breaking work, you’ll practice holistic, whole brain writing approaches that
broaden your perspectives and deepen your compassion. And, if you’re interested, you’ll create new poetry, creative nonfiction, and/or fiction.
WHERE: Online via Zoom
WHEN: Coming this fall
COST: TBA
INFORMATION: I am having a wonderful time teaching this class this week through Chautauqua Institution! And a number of people have emailed to ask if I'd consider offering it again via Zoom in a once-a-week format. I'd love to! If you are interested please email me at info@wordplaynow.com.
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How Do I Say
Goodbye? and Praying You Goodbye
These two books are for anyone who is grieving the loss of a loved one—whether the loss is
impending, recent, or in the past.
The contemplative exercises within are a guide through the “many waters” of grief (from Madeleine L'Engle's A Two-Part Invention), including "treasuring" and "keeping" as well as regret and sadness.
What is grief, after all, but a sign of the depth of our love? On the far shore is always gratefulness, for, as the French proverb says, “Gratitude is the heart’s memory.” Those who enjoy writing will likely also find poems, essays, and/or stories emerging as they make their way through these
pages.
I created the process shared in these two books in June of 2002, shortly after my mother died, as a way to mindfully mourn this loss—and celebrate her life. I shared it with a beloved friend, the Reverend Rebecca Taylor, when she lost her father, and she encouraged me to make it available to others. Here it is, in two versions, both of which offer quotes, reflections, prompts, and space to write about your loved one, as well as beautiful photographs by Wendy H. Gill that enhance each part of the process. Either
version makes a thoughtful condolence gift for a friend or family member.
How Do I Say Goodbye? is for those of any faith, with quotes from many different sources to accompany the process. It can be purchased on Amazon here.
Praying You Goodbye is specifically for Christians, with accompanying quotes from Scripture chosen by Reverend Rebecca Taylor. It can be purchased on Amazon here.
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POETRY ROCKS!
Would you like your writing — prose and/or poetry — to be more graceful, powerful, beautiful? Do you sometimes find poetry confusing or intimidating and wish you could “crack the code”? Or do you enjoy writing and reading poems, but want a more thorough understanding of what makes a
poem good? Then this poetry extravaganza is for you.
Expect a good time exploring what makes a poem a poem, gaining the knowledge you need to confidently create and revise poetry, and strengthening your writing skills in all genres.
It would be a joy and an honor to share what rocks about poetry with you.
HERE’S WHAT YOU GET:
- 23 poetry creation tools, delivered one per day (Monday through Friday) to your inbox — in honor of National Poetry month. Use them as you get them, use them when you can, use them over and over to create poems. Each tool zeroes in on one aspect
of poetry and provides an innovative method to approach writing a poem. Many of them are great for creating prose, too. The tools include:
* a purpose, so you’re clear what you will learn
* background information when helpful
* “how-to” directions to create a poem
* an example that illustrates the poetry tool in action
* a short reflection to solidify the concepts covered
* “Hone Your Craft” suggestions for further exploration
* a short reflection to solidify the concepts covered
- A PDF document of each tool that you can print or save on your computer
- An audio recording of each tool, so you can learn by listening and/or reading
- Instruction on the role of audience, reading like a writer, and the process of revision, including a handy Revision Checkpoint Chart — this information can be applied to strengthen your prose as well as
poetry
- Additional poetry resources
- An e-book that contains the information and resources covered, as well as your 23 poetry creation tools for ongoing use
WHERE: From the comfort of your own home, via the web.
WHEN: Any time you want! And once you receive all 23 tools, they’re yours to keep, which means that you can keep using them for years to come.
COST: $45
TO REGISTER: To pay with a check via mail, email info@wordplaynow.com for instructions. To register for Poetry Rocks online, click here.
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TAG, I'M IT!
Both the year-long TAG, I'M IT! AND three-month TAG, I'M IT! journals offer—in no more than five to fifteen minutes—a simple way to recap and celebrate
the very best of each day of your life. The practice of writing out your “T’s” (things you’re thankful for), “A’s” (actions you can acknowledge yourself for), and “G’s” (gifts you’re grateful for) is a transformative one, especially combined with the final step, I’M IT!, in which you intentionally choose three do-able, most-important-to-you actions you’ll take the next day.
The TAG, I'M IT! journal grounds you in two important habits: keeping your focus on appreciating and celebrating the good in your life and intentionally accomplishing what matters most to you. You’ll also create a record of
your most meaningful, happiest events and experiences.
Start your journal—or restart, if needed—whenever you like. (Though a new year is a perfect time!)
An introduction with tips and ideas will help you make this practice your own. Soon, you’ll notice that you’re living your days with more joy, presence, purpose, and intention.
Thank you to Maureen Ryan Griffin for creating TAG I’M IT.
TAG, I’M IT is my new best friend. It’s a guided writing journal that helps me sort through the mental travels of my day. And it helps me zero in on the special moments by reflecting, acknowledging, and saying thank you for the invisible gifts collected in my daily journey.
“TAG” gives me joy. And it gives me a sense of peace. It helps me discover the small and large wonders around me.
“TAG” sits on my nightstand – it’s my last conversation of the day. And I feel satisfied when I turn off the light. When I write in my TAG, I’M IT journal, I’m giving myself a gift.
What a treasure!
~ T. D. Taegel
More WordPlay opportunities coming soon.
Stay posted!
"In the midst of grief, somehow I found Maureen..."
Meet Pam Pellegrino
Pam is a graduate of the two-year Spiritual Direction program at the Haden Institute in Hendersonville, NC. This life-changing experience culminated in a final project entitled “Awakening to the Writer Inside: An Unexpected
Individuation Journey.” In it she explored her love of words since childhood, and included a selection of writings, both poetry and memoir, that illustrated her personal growth in the craft of writing. Pam’s interest in her own Jungian “individuation journey” began some years ago when she signed up for a class in dreamwork, which convinced her that the unconscious was a fascinating way to discover the soul she was born to be. When she’s not with her grandchildren or other loved ones, she
writes poetry and is working on a piece about her 96-year-old father.
What Pam Says about WordPlay
When my husband passed away eight years ago, I needed to express my grief in a safe place. In the midst of that grief, somehow I found Maureen, one of the most nurturing people on the planet. She was able to pull out of me so much more than I thought I could possibly share when I attended one of
her joyful seasonal retreats. Her students were compassionate souls as well, and after that retreat I signed up for her memoir classes. Without Maureen’s classes, I don’t think I would be writing at all. Her gentle guidance and prompts helped me remember my childhood, as well as guiding me to a place where I felt safe to write about—well, anything!
Featured Writing
Recipe for Real Life
by
Pam Pellegrino
Nana sat across her kitchen table from me,
holding her sturdy, practical, black handbag,
car keys jingling in her left hand as she waited,
while I was in no hurry to finish the most delicious
coffee cake I ever had, or will ever have again,
her prized recipe which she delighted in telling
others sold for $5 each at the church bazaar.
The one where she waits for the dough to rise twice,
then punches it down with her fist, the yeasty aroma
permeating throughout her apartment in Wheeling,
West by God, Virginia, where I had spent my last
summer after high school, waiting for my real life
to begin. Scents of bubbling butter, dough, nutmeg,
and cinnamon still fill my senses with longing.
On that memorable day of summer, 1968, it was
Nana’s duty to take me to my first semester at
Bethany College, less than a half hour drive up a
curving mountain road that made her even more atwitter
than usual. “I’ll go warm the car,” she said, her voice
clearly exasperated at my nonchalance. She got up
from her chair, let the screen door double-slam shut,
as I continued to take bite after bite of her
glorious creation I’ve never been able to master.
She clomped downstairs to where her sturdy
navy blue Valiant awaited, opened and slammed
the driver’s door. I heard her gun the engine twice,
interrupting my carefree coffee cake gluttony.
Grabbing my overnight bag, I popped a last piece of
buttery sugar essence into my mouth, and headed
down the stairs, where I could barely see the
plump, four-foot ten-inch giant of a woman gripping the
steering wheel, ready to take off at a moment’s notice.
The brave little engine that could was accustomed to
Nana, who, after taking several puffs for fortitude,
always placed her cigarette in the ashtray as she
readied herself for any drive. She learned to drive
at 64, just a few years earlier, after Grandad died.
Harrowing stories of her near accidents and over-use
of the horn were well-known in family lore.
I braced myself with a sigh, opened the car’s
back door, and tossed my small bag on the back seat.
Hearing the slam of the door as I shut it, Nana floored
the gas, like the little old lady from Pasadena,
and off she took as I stood in a fog of exhaust fumes,
laughing in jocular disbelief, wondering how long
it would be before she realized I was not in the car.
I walked to the curb, sticking out my thumb to
hitchhike, when I saw her Valiant heading back
several minutes later. Though I couldn’t see her whole face,
I could see the tears of laughter that flowed down her cheeks.
She screeched to a stop. We hugged each other with love
and mirth. “I thought you were awfully quiet back there.
Even thought maybe you were mad at me.” Nana, how I will
always miss you! And with that we both got in the car, she
lit her cigarette, placed it in the ashtray, somehow maneuvered
the car around, and calmly drove without horn blowing or incident
to Bethany College, where my real life would finally begin.
Pam's Nana beside her Valiant
WordPlay Now! Writing Prompt
This is WordPlay—so why not revel in the power and potential of one good word after another? This week, it's “real.”
PROMPT:
Prompt 1: Write about a time when you (or someone you know, or one of your characters) couldn't wait for
"real life" to begin.
Prompt 2: Write about a time when you, or one of your characters, realized that, as Longfellow (and my dad) said, "Life is real! Life is earnest!" Use any interpretation of this expression that works for you.
Photo of Henry Wadsworth Longfellow in midlife courtesy of commons.wikimedia.org
MAUREEN RYAN GRIFFIN, an award-winning poetry and nonfiction writer, is the author of Spinning Words into Gold, a Hands-On Guide to the Craft of
Writing, a grief workbook entitled I Will Never Forget You, and three collections of poetry, Ten Thousand Cicadas Can't Be Wrong, This Scatter of Blossoms and When the Leaves Are in the Water.
She believes, as author Julia Cameron says, “We are meant to midwife dreams for one another.” Maureen also believes that serious “word
work” requires serious WordPlay, as play is how we humans best
learn—and perform. What she loves best is witnessing all the other dreams that come true for her clients along the way. Language, when used with intentionality and focus, is, after all, serious fuel for joy. Here's to yours!
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