Volume VI, Issue 20 May 16, 2017 Word of the Week: timetable Dear ,
If you keep track, you will have noticed that you didn't receive your zine on Monday
(yesterday) like you usually do.
Why? Because love, grief, and writing projects really do have timetables of their own. Let me explain:
You may be familiar with the grief ritual I created to say goodbye to my mom when she passed away 15 years ago. This ritual, which became two
books—a Christian version, with an Old and New Testament excerpt for each step of the process, and a version with related quotations from numerous sources for people of any and all faiths—provided the room I needed to express my deep grief and to journey to a place of peace and acceptance. The process opened a new, deeper relationship with the mother that I will forever carry inside me.
Truly, love has no timetable, as I still feel her presence all this time later. And grief has no timetable either, as I've learned from my own grieving, as
well as from walking through some terrible losses with several people I love in these past few months.
I lost my mom on May 9th, so that's the day I chose as the publication date for How Do I Say Goodbye?, a new, expanded edition of the ecumenical version, complete with beautiful photographs by my amazing friend Wendy H. Gill, with resources, a new cover and a new title, to boot. And it's now available on Amazon! (Praying You Goodbye, the Christian version, will be available soon.)
Here's a photo I took of Wendy at Roan Mountain State Park, on a hike during which she took several of the images for both this book and
the Christian version, Praying You Goodbye.
I had every intention of sending you this official news of my book launch, complete with link, yesterday. I had everything
ready to go last week, or so I thought.
And then I found a typo in the proof copy. Egad! It was fixable, but to meet the deadline, I had to re-upload a corrected file from where I was for the weekend—Well of Mercy, which you'll discover from reading an excerpt of the book below was instrumental in my writing the original grief ritual.
Here's where pure grace comes in. And timetables. You see, I had
every intention of going to Well of Mercy with printed copies of the book to donate for Well's gift shop. I'd worked like a maniac, but I failed at making that deadline, for which I was beating myself up mightily. (Maybe you do that, too?)
I was so focused on this goal, along with all that's going on in
my life right now that I didn't even notice that I was going to be at Well, the most nurturing place I have ever been AND the place where the original grief ritual was birthed, on Mother's Day weekend.
At least, I thought, I had proof copies to show Sisters Donna and Brigid, who run Well of Mercy.
And I could upload the new file in time for printing in time for the zine on Monday.
I tried. But you know what they say about the best-laid plans... The
Internet at Well was not operational.
I was frustrated and disappointed. But Well is so peaceful, and using the Internet is highly discouraged anyway, since it is a place to rest, be still, and listen. I went for a long walk in the woods and released my need to meet my timetable, giving myself permission to be on
retreat, which I sorely needed.
The next day, I shared the proof copies, which were received with joy and appreciation and celebration. But Donna had a question. "Are the books already printed?"
"No," I said, apologetically, my internal berating ready to launch all over again.
"Would it be too much trouble," she asked, "for you to change the places where you say 'The Well of Mercy' to 'Well of Mercy'? You see, there's this
other retreat center up north called 'The Well of Mercy' and we don't want anyone to confuse us with them or vice versa.'"
I had to laugh. The timetable I laid out for my writing project had clearly not been the timetable needed to serve this beautiful place of respite and the women who envisioned and created it.
Some other kind of wisdom was running the show, and I was glad of it.
If you've ever been discouraged because the timetable for your writing projects hasn't
gone as you planned, take heart, and trust that there is a reason, even if you never find out what it is. Your book will come into being despite delays, as long as you don't give up. The fact that How Do I Say Goodbye? is now in the world is proof of that. Please don't give up!
And if you are grieving a loss, no matter how recent or long ago, know that my heart is with you and I wish you comfort and peace.
Upcoming WordPlay
WRITING OUR WAY TO HAPPINESS
(Learning New Practices and Strategies for Our Writing and Our Lives; Creating New Writing; Expanding Our
Well-being) Come explore time-tested ways writing can increase your happiness level! This class will not only teach you how to use writing as a tool to increase your sense of well-being, but also jumpstart your pen and provide inspiration and knowledge about the process of creative writing, whether you want to
write memoir, fiction, nonfiction, or poetry. For writers of all levels, including beginners, who are interested in expanding their writing practice—for personal fulfillment or for publication.$630 for one week-long session (lodging and meals are additional – options can be found on the Folk School website)
WHERE: John Campbell Folk School, 1 Folk School Road, Brasstown, NC 28902
WHEN: Sunday, May 28th – Saturday, June 3rd, 2017.
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WRITE YOURSELF!
Reap writing’s benefits—physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. Give yourself the gift
of exploring how creative writing (journaling, memoir, poetry, fiction) can enrich your life, and what your writing can provide for others. You will learn and practice a number of fun, easy tools and methods to help your words flow, whatever your particular interest. Whether you have published widely, sometimes write in a journal, or haven’t written anything since your senior year of high school, you will enjoy this lively, informative
workshop.
WHERE: Matthews Branch Library. 230 Matthews Station St. Matthews, NC 28105
WHEN: Saturday, June 10, from 10:30 a.m. –
noon
COST: Free! TO REGISTER: To register, visit the Matthews Branch Library registration page here. (Registration opens May 11th.)
And also…
WHERE: Scaleybark Library. 101 Scaleybark Road. Charlotte, NC 28209
WHEN: Tuesday, June 20, from 6:00 – 7:00
p.m.
COST: Free! TO REGISTER: To register, visit the Scaleybark Library registration page here.
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CLASSES AT CHAUTAUQUA INSTITUTION
WRITE YOURSELF (Week 1)
Reap the benefits writing can provide – physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually – in this class in which you’ll learn and practice whole brain methods for using writing as a
transformative process as well as a creative one. These techniques can be used to create essays, poems, memoir, fiction and/or nonfiction. For beginners and seasoned writers.
WHERE: Chautauqua Institution. 1 Ames Ave, Chautauqua, NY 14722. Hall of Ed. (Sheldon) Room
204
WHEN: Monday, June 26th – Thursday, June 29th, 2017. 2:00 to 4:00 p.m.
COST: $82
TO REGISTER: Please visit the Chautauqua Institution registration page here.
MEMOIR: TELLING THE TIMES
OF YOUR
LIFE (Week 2)
Our life stories are a precious legacy. Writing them is a gift, not only to ourselves, but to those who love us – they’ll be treasured for generations to come. Come learn engaging, easy-to-use tools and techniques to retrieve and record your adventures, loves, losses, successes, and more with ease and enjoyment, no matter where you
are in the process, and whether you are writing for yourself, your family, or to publish for a wide audience.
WHERE: Chautauqua Institution. 1 Ames Ave, Chautauqua, NY 14722. Turner 105
WHEN: Monday, July 3rd – Friday, July 7th, 2017. 2:00 to
4:00 p.m.
COST: $82
TO REGISTER: Please visit the Chautauqua Institution registration page here.
More WordPlay opportunities here. My mom in June of 1986 during her first visit with my daughter Amanda Featured Writing "How This Book Came to Be"
an excerpt from
HOW DO I SAY
GOODBYE?
by Maureen Ryan Griffin I first created this farewell ritual at a retreat center in Hamptonville, North Carolina, called Well of Mercy, in June of 2002, shortly after my mother died.
I was blessed to have my mother for forty-five years, long enough to move through the pain left over from my childhood (my mother struggled with depression and anxiety, diseases which take a toll on many families) and to come to appreciate what a wonderful
mother she was. She gave so much to me and my siblings—physically and spiritually. I was doubly blessed to have been able to spend time with her during what we both knew was the end of her life. By that time, I’m grateful to say, what was left between us was love—simple, clean, pure. And yet, loss is never easy, regardless of the circumstances. I still had regrets, fear, and even anger, and the deep grief of knowing that my life would never be the same without her physical presence in
it.
All the conversations I’d had with others about her weren’t enough to assuage this loss. All the writing I’d done to express my mix of emotions wasn’t enough. Even having spent her last night on earth with her, listening to her breath enter and leave her body—even knowing that my last words to her were “Perry Como is
waiting in heaven to sing to you”—wasn’t enough.
I had more to tell her, more to understand, experience, and release...
While I shed
many tears as I walked Well of Mercy’s Prayer Path saying goodbye to her, in the end my primary emotion was gratitude—for Well of Mercy itself and its healing peace, for the gift of quiet time to honor my love for my mother, and for the gift of my mother’s presence in my life. How good it was to have a place in which I could retreat from the cares and concerns of my everyday life to let myself feel my grief, to choose what I would hold onto and what I would let go
of.
My ritual would have ended right there, if not for my friend Rebecca Taylor, to whom I’d mentioned this process. She lost her father not long after I’d lost my mother, and asked if I’d be willing to share my ritual with her. I was happy to, and painstakingly wrote out what I’d done, along with a few examples.
That was that, I thought, glad I could help her. But Rebecca, a Presbyterian minister, had other plans. She’d shown the simple pamphlet I’d put together to several other ministers, who were interested in sharing the process with grieving members of their congregations.
“Will you make it into a book that we can buy?”
she asked. How could I say no? I titled it Praying You Goodbye.
At the urging of another friend who worked in Hospice Care, I created another version. “Praying You Goodbye is lovely for Christians,” she said, “but I’d love to have one for people of other faiths, as well as people with no particular
faith.” How Do I Say Goodbye? was born of her request.
Seven years later, I lost my dad, and headed back to Well of Mercy with a blank Praying You Goodbye. That tear-splotched copy was my faithful companion in my grief and still holds the spirit of my father’s
presence.
In the past 15 years, I’ve had a number of people tell me this book has made a real difference in their ongoing healing from the loss of a loved one, or, sometimes, a pending loss—and not only through death, but also divorce and other separations.
I’m sharing it with you in the hopes that it will offer you similar comfort and grace, no matter what kind of loss you have experienced, how long ago it happened, or where you are in the process. You may even find that coming back to this book again after some years have passed will offer new insights and deepened healing, wholeness, and
gratitude.
If you'd like to order a copy, click here.
WordPlay Now! Writing Prompt This is WordPlay—so why not revel in the power and potential of one good word after another? This week, it's "timetable."
PROMPT: Write about something in your life (perhaps a writing project) that hasn't gone according to the timetable you set out for it. How can you release any disappointment or frustration you feel about it? What good may have come from the delay? What's one small next step you can take to move it toward completion, if you haven't yet completed it?
MAUREEN RYAN GRIFFIN, an award-winning poetry and nonfiction writer, is the author of Spinning Words into Gold, a Hands-On Guide to the Craft of Writing, a grief workbook entitled I Will Never Forget You, and three collections of poetry, Ten Thousand Cicadas Can't Be Wrong, This Scatter of Blossoms and When the Leaves Are in the Water. One of her long-held dreams came true in July of 2015 when Garrison Keillor read one of her poems on The Writer's Almanac. She believes, as author Julia Cameron says, "We are meant to midwife dreams for one another."
Maureen also believes that serious "word work" requires serious WordPlay, as play is how we humans best learn—and perform. What she loves best is witnessing all the other dreams that come true for her clients along the way. Language, when used with
intentionality and focus, is, after all, serious fuel for joy. Here's to yours! |
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